1. Bought Party of 5 on DVD
2. Met a greeter at Walmart named Billie Jean… told her “she’s not my luva”
3. Realized Bingo really was his name-o!
4. Sexually harassed myself at the office, later put myself on paid-leave until I could figure out to reprimand myself
5. Named ma’ penis “Al Roaker” cuz it’s black… I mean big… I mean who am I kidding, I’m a white dood
6. Sharted a lil’
7. Booked the sweetest Halloween costume
8. Sneezed in my helmet on the freeway, was forced to lick it clean while riding
9. Considered buying a snazzy pink tee before kicking my own ass
10. Cleared up my “Wilford Brimley” rash using a self-made remedy ointment of warming sex lube, dried tea leaves and finely-chopped rolled-oats