1. Woke up spooning my cat
2. Made a smore using nothing more than a match, toothpaste, triscuit and Nestle Quick powder
3. Wrote my name 11 times, each time swapping my last name for names from Remington Steele
4. Farted into a Tupperware bowl… sealed it… and released the fumes at midnight (actually, this was some other dood, it just cracked me up!)
5. Messed with a telemarketer, telling her my lil brother and I were hiding in the closet and our dad was looking to beat us
6. Opened and closed every door in my house using only my mouth
7. Took a picture of my feet in the Diva Express
8. Perfected the “Carlton Dance” thanks to a few back to back episodes of Fresh Prince and Tivo
9. Cried during a Sylvan Learning Center commercial
10. 12,460 days straight without a smoke

1. Loaded up on Neo Citran, then ran topless through Flowers, Flowers, Flowers while singing I’ve had the time of my life
2. Traded some 4 year old sucka my motorbike for his bigwheel straight up
3. Unsuccessfully held a poo in after 5 bowls of Raisin Bran
4. Rolled up the rim to win
5. Attempted (for the 5th time) to make shortbread cookies; this time using nothing more than Cucumber face mask, some wall filler and 173 of those colored litebrite peg thingies
6. Farted in a tupperware, sealed it and released it at midnight
7. Changed my name to Hank Pitt
8. Sprinkled toenail clippings over my banana split, pretending they were coconut shavings
9. Slipped an ear of corn into my “ouch place”, later smuggled it through the grocery checkout
10. Realized, Barks DOES have bite