1. Found an itch that needed scratching by my buddy’s tongue
2. Entered Live with Regis and Kelly’s “Out Of Control February Fantasy” contest
3. Went snowboarding
4. Decided on my second-born’s name: “Version 2.0”
5. Had a craving for Haggis, but later settled for Burger King wrapped in pantyhose
6. Window shopped at the mall with my hands in my pocket, hands in my pocket, hands in my pocket
7. Finally realized “A” isn’t necessarily just for “Apples”, nor “J” for “Jacks”. They also stand for “Aunt Jemima”, “Apple Juice”, “Ask Jeeves”, “Angelina Jolie” and “Al-Jazeera”
8. Wacko Jacko called up, asked if my buddy Hank was single
9. Bought myself a Wicked Weasel 2-piece
10. Changed my secret identity from “Shelley Long” to “Moustache Pete”