1. Loaded up on Neo Citran, then ran topless through Flowers, Flowers, Flowers while singing I’ve had the time of my life
2. Traded some 4 year old sucka my motorbike for his bigwheel straight up
3. Unsuccessfully held a poo in after 5 bowls of Raisin Bran
4. Rolled up the rim to win
5. Attempted (for the 5th time) to make shortbread cookies; this time using nothing more than Cucumber face mask, some wall filler and 173 of those colored litebrite peg thingies
6. Farted in a tupperware, sealed it and released it at midnight
7. Changed my name to Hank Pitt
8. Sprinkled toenail clippings over my banana split, pretending they were coconut shavings
9. Slipped an ear of corn into my “ouch place”, later smuggled it through the grocery checkout
10. Realized, Barks DOES have bite

1. Perfected the “Bon Jovi Rock Lock”
2. Crashed 1 Bar Mitzvah, 7 store openings and an Indian Diwali
3. Went water-rafting and pee’d in a borrowed wetsuit
4. Found $0.94 in the grocery store parking lot, gave it to the shopping cart jockey and told him to let it ride at the dog track
5. Made homemade Mac & Cheese using nothing more than garden mulch, Alberto Sun-Kissed Raspberry Shampoo and carpet deodorizer
6. Sunk your battleship
7. Put Curtis Armstrong on my “Must invite to my wedding” list
8. Made out with my cat for 11 minutes
9. Pooped out a key to my 9th grade gym locker, returned it for my $2 deposit
10. Had 4 ribs removed to comfortably gain better access to more pleasurable “lick-parts”