I am havin fun with this. My grading of actors and actresses is based on looks, roll-diversity and/or how much they make me pee my pants (not in any particular order):

Actresses
———–
1. Kate Beckinsale
2. Halle Berry
3. Kate Hudson
4. Laura Linney
5. Diane Lane
6. Shirley Maclaine
7. Hillary Swank
8. Maria Bello

Actors
——
1. Tom Hanks
2. Vince Vaughn
3. Robert Deniro
4. Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock)
5. Bill Murray
6. Al Pacino
7. John Cusack
8. Dennis Quaid
9. Robert Redford
10. Chevy Chase
11. Johnny Knoxville
12. Philip Seymour Hoffman
13. Ed Harris

Okay, so I can’t count!

Jug

What a great idea Surefire! Not that anyone really cares, but here’s my top-5 list of smells (not in any particular order):

1. Coffee grounds (non-used)
2. Dead skunk passed on the road
3. Baby powder
4. Camp fire
5. Gasoline

Jug

1. Bought Party of 5 on DVD
2. Met a greeter at Walmart named Billie Jean… told her “she’s not my luva”
3. Realized Bingo really was his name-o!
4. Sexually harassed myself at the office, later put myself on paid-leave until I could figure out to reprimand myself
5. Named ma’ penis “Al Roaker” cuz it’s black… I mean big… I mean who am I kidding, I’m a white dood
6. Sharted a lil’
7. Booked the sweetest Halloween costume
8. Sneezed in my helmet on the freeway, was forced to lick it clean while riding
9. Considered buying a snazzy pink tee before kicking my own ass
10. Cleared up my “Wilford Brimley” rash using a self-made remedy ointment of warming sex lube, dried tea leaves and finely-chopped rolled-oats

On a serious note, I am participating in The Terry Fox 10km run/walk for Cancer this September 18th at 10am PST and would really like your support via monetary donation or participation in the event. If donating, it can be as small as $5 or as much as you feel comfortable with (you receive a Tax Receipt with donations of $10 or more).

Ideally $25 would be great but whatever you can do will help. I am participating in memory of my Grandpa Maxwell and Grandpa Miller and trying to reach $100 in pledges.

Click here to be directed to my “Participant” page

I want to stress how important this is to me. I hope you know I would be first in line to support whatever you believe in so let’s work together to end cancer and keep Terry’s dream alive. All money raised goes to cancer research; please support my participation by clicking on the above link.

With warmest regards,

Jug

1. Had a $2.99 breakfast from Denny’s, realized I AM out of my mind
2. Smoked a pack of candy cigarettes
3. Took the term “Reach out and touch someone” literally… met a really nice guy named Bob on the train after invading his personal space
4. Sneezed out a half used bar of soap and partial spaghetti noodle
5. Challenged myself to a game of Hungry Hungry Hippo, but later chickened out
6. Played “Fight Club” backwards in slo-mo and realized there was no fighting… everyone was being really nice to eachother
7. Went water rafting, damn near fell out of the boat screaming “I go, we go!”
8. In the spirit of Sean “P. Diddy” Combs changing his name to just “Diddy”, I too changed my name: “Fuffil Plorang III”
9. Set out to change the term for alcohol from “Spirits” to “Foo Foos”
10. T-minus 264 days to my birthday

1. Perfected the “Bon Jovi Rock Lock”
2. Crashed 1 Bar Mitzvah, 7 store openings and an Indian Diwali
3. Went water-rafting and pee’d in a borrowed wetsuit
4. Found $0.94 in the grocery store parking lot, gave it to the shopping cart jockey and told him to let it ride at the dog track
5. Made homemade Mac & Cheese using nothing more than garden mulch, Alberto Sun-Kissed Raspberry Shampoo and carpet deodorizer
6. Sunk your battleship
7. Put Curtis Armstrong on my “Must invite to my wedding” list
8. Made out with my cat for 11 minutes
9. Pooped out a key to my 9th grade gym locker, returned it for my $2 deposit
10. Had 4 ribs removed to comfortably gain better access to more pleasurable “lick-parts”

1. Rode public transit and finally realized what the difference is between “having gas” and “having bad gas”
2. Pondered being reincarnated as Garlic Bread
3. Chased an itch all over my back for what seemed like 6 hours
4. Sat on a pen, later attempted to suck out the ink like snake venom
5. Had a “tester” war with myself in a Perfume department and lost (Result: smelled overwhelmingly like sweet cinnamon with a hint of vanilla and East Coast Salmon)
6. Finally took my parents advice to “go play in traffic”
7. Bought a vowel
8. Called Dr. Phil and asked to borrow $150,000 for an emotional rescue
9. Resumed eating at Subway… set to break my consecutive-days eating there of 262
10. Triple-dog-dared some dude to take a swig of his water before paying for it, then bellow the theme from Bonanza while running out of the store exposing one nipple

1. Started a petition to rename M&M’s to S&M’s
2. Consecutive days eating at Subway stopped at 262
3. Pondered eating out of the litter box
4. Ran out of clean boxers so I switched to Foil
5. Dreamt about the first time I saw female genitalia… We’ve got bush, I repeat we’ve got bush
6. Discovered my secret Hobbit name: “Olo Gamwich of the Bree Gamwiches”
7. Emailed Chuck Wagner, asking to push for more Automan episodes
8. Did the “motorboat” with my cat’s belly… I now subseqently have another ear piercing
9. Foil got noisy so I switched to Hefty Bags
10. Invented a word to rhyme with Orange: “Splorange” meaning Flyer of kites found only in the Colorado Rockies

Wow, it’s been awhile since my last post.

Been working like a dog. This is the first time in about a month my computer has been on for more than 5 minutes to check email.

Anyways, I have a link from the Endo-Aid concert, it was fun and a learning experience.

Endo-Aid

I know, over a month late.

I also have a great word of the day.

This one is brought to you by our friendly neighbourhood garbage men.

Disco Rice.

Think about it :)

Later peoples.

1. Spelled out “Boooooooooooooo” using a combination of Cheerios and Fruit Loops
2. Counted 2,314 hairs on ma’ belly
3. Remembered my secret identity: “Shelly Long”
4. Watched Wedding Crashers not once, not twice but three times
5. Spent the night at Jacko’s ranch
6. Cat farted and it smelled a little like carpet deodorizer and Chewy Chips Ahoy
7. Finally found the person I most closely resemble
8. Finished my Christmas shopping for Xmas ‘04
9. Shaved “The Artist Formerly Known As Prince” symbol into my pubes and now ready to party like its 1999
10. Bumped into a chick I dated 9 years ago… let’s just say I’m glad that one got away

————————————–

11. Practiced for the World Hot Dog Eating Contest… proudly packed away 2 1/2 dogs before yackin up tomato skins and a boot
12. Watched neighbors swim in their pool… pondered ways to cool down my urine and run through it like a sprinkler
13. Noticed this rash on my arm sorta looks like Wilford Brimley
14. Looked up the spelling to “of” in Webster’s (or is it “ove”… damn!!)
15. Was robbed by a lil ol’ lady on a motorized cart
16. Forgot my secret identity
17. Matched my cat’s sleeping pattern… 23 hours later I woke up wearing a clothes hanger around my neck and an urge to lick myself
18. Got yelled at by neighbors for watching them
19. Decided on my first-born’s name: “Arthritis”
20. Let go of grandma on the wheelchair ramp… she rolled 17 feet, 11 inches