Pooping spans back to the beginning of time and as long as man eats, man will poop. Everything in this world has history and we have set out to discover the history of poop. Through hours and hours of endless research with the brightest scholars in the world, we have narrowed down many questions about the history of poop. And it is our honour to share this history of poop with all the people in the world. Below you will find the most educated answer crap can buy to some of the most baffling questions in poop history.
1. Who took the first poop?
It is our belief that since Adam and Eve were the first two people on the earth, that naturally one of them would have to had been the first person in history to poop. Since poop is the result of the consumption of food, we conclude that Adam was the first one to poop since the only story of these two eating was about Adam eating the forbidden fruit. Though this forbidden fruit was believed by many to be Eve, the stories heard in church say it was an apple so we’ll use this as the consumption of food and therefore we conclude that Adam was the first human to poop.
2. What is the origin of the word “poop”?
According to Eric Partridge in his excellent book of word origins (Origins: A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English), “poop” comes from the Middle English word poupen or popen, and it originally meant “fart.” The word was based on the sound of a fart. According to Robert Chapman, author of American Slang, “poop” came into use with its current meaning around 1900.
3. Who invented toilet paper?
It is our belief that King Tut invented toilet paper. While having his great pyramid built people often stopped to take poop breaks. As you all know, your butt sweats in the hot sun and since they were in the desert the men would come back with poop filled sweaty cracks and would stink up the pyramid. King Tut invented toilet paper so that the men could wipe their butts before returning to try and have the best smelling pyramid ever.
4. Who was the first brave man to light his own ass?
We have seen videos but the true pioneers of lighting farts dates back to the cave man period. Once cave man discovered fire, they learned to put it out with pee. One cave man saw this and was curious what would happen if he tried to blow it out with a fart. He ended up blowing up his friend.
5. Why do people think women’s poop smells like roses?
This saying comes from the year 981 A.D. in Burgundy before toilet paper reached Burgundy and people used leaves to wipe their Ass. With women having sensitive skin the normal leaves would hurt their butts so one woman, Adelaide, Queen of Burgundy and Empress of the Holy Roman Empire, tried using rose leaves. This was very soothing to her anus so she spread the word to the women of the land and they all began using roses. Once the men smelled their women’s butts they were amazed at the smell and would brag about how their women’s poop smelled like roses. Another lady used cabbage, which was her husbands favourite and consequently is where tossing the salad came from.
6. Where did the term dingleberry come from?
The term Dingle berry was coined from an English astrophysicist named Herbert Dingle who was born in 1890 and rivalled Albert Einstein. When Dr. Dingle was ten years old he pooped outside while on a camping trip with friends. One little poop ball hung on to his butt and he showed his friends and they all laughed. It looked like a little berry hanging from his but and was therefore called a dingle berry. Though his disproof of the theory of special relativity formulated by Albert Einstein never panned out, he will always be remembered as the man who invented the dingle berry.
