What runs but never walks, has a mouth but cannot talk, has a head but doesn’t think and has a bed but refuses to sleep?

What can you put in a bucket full of water to make it lighter?

Can you think of a crime that is punishable if attempted but not punishable if actually committed?

This is so weird. Type in your name and you can get anything from a Hobbit name to a Prison Bitch name…..

My Hobbitt name is: Orangeblosson Chubb-Baggins
My Elvish name is: Celebriän Oronar
My Gangsta name is: John Cougar Jamaican
My Star Wars name is: Allvo KavanHtotoyota of Motrin
My Pirate name is: Pirate Frances the Well-Tanned (yeah right!)
My Taxi Driver name is: Jzhitotåka Crockett
My Significant Others Pet Name is: Sweet Thighs
My Mafia name is: Ol’ Rita Lottaspaghetti
My Hillbilly name is: Mareike Lutgard Philippa
My Prison Bitch name is: Skank Cunt
My Fairy name is: Gossamer Willowglow
My Porn Star name is: Deedee Head
My Valentine name is: Socks
My Significant others Valentine name is: Buns
My Hockey name is: Gordie McVothson

Try it yourself: http://dir.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Humor/Names/Name_Generators/

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.

Q. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.

Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.

Q. What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A. An elephant with diarrhea.

Q. Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A. Her lipstick

Q. What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.

Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.

Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common?
A. Without the hole in the middle they aren’t good for shit.

Q. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
A. Even the pool table has no balls.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.

Q. What two words will clear out a men’s changing room quicker than anything else?
A. Nice dick!

Q. How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
A. All your tic tacks are gone.

Can you think of a word in the English language that has 3 sets of consecutive double letters in it?

Q. What’s the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q. What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Q. What do blondes and cow shit have in common?
A. The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q. How does a blond turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.

Q. What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!

Q. What does a blonde say the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!

Q. What do smart blondes and UFO’s have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
A. Cause it said concentrate.

What travels the world but stays in a corner?

Women are like apples on trees.
The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy…….
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing.
They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Share this with other Women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!

Now Men…

Men are like a fine wine.
They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

I sometimes run, but I cannot walk. You always follow me around. What am I?