So now the alligators are going door to door. When Lori Pachelli heard someone knocking at the door of her home in a gated community in this southwest Florida community earlier this week, she looked out to see an unwelcome visitor on her front stoop: an 8-foot alligator. The bull gator, which had wandered up from the pond behind the house, had a bloody lip from banging its head against the door. “He was pretty big, pretty aggressive,” Pachelli said, adding that the gator may have followed her home from walking her cocker spaniel, Trooper. Pachelli’s husband, Mike, said he sped home after his wife called him in hysterics. The animal remained at the Pachellis’ door for about an hour before going back into the lake, where trapper John French captured it later. French said it’s not unusual to find male alligators in some pretty interesting places this time of year. “You’re starting into what’s called the crawl season, the breeding season,” he said. “We get them out of front porches, out of garages, out of swimming pools.” The Pachellis said they never dreamed an alligator would venture that close to the house. “I’ve never seen them walking around [the neighborhood], let alone banging on my front door,” Lori Pachelli said.

A youth minister was charged with assault for allegedly knocking down a 16-year-old boy and kicking him in the groin after taking a head shot from the teen in a dodgeball game. David M. Boudreaux, 27, was charged Wednesday with one count of third-degree assault. According to court documents, the incident happened in February at Crescent Lake Christian Academy. Authorities said the teen missed Boudreaux with one throw but then knocked the youth minister’s glasses off with the next. The boy apologized, authorities said, but Boudreaux pushed him backward, and when the teen got up again Boudreaux kicked him in the groin and left. The teen suffered whiplash and post-concussion syndrome and had blood in his urine after being kicked, according to court records. Boudreaux later apologized, prosecutors said. Jeanne D. Hewitt, administrator of Crescent Lake Christian Academy, said Boudreaux had been placed on administrative leave.

A puppy with six legs and two penises was found sleeping outside a Chinese temple in a Malaysian town, and devotees are treating the freak find as a good omen, a news report said Sunday. The furry puppy with brown patches was sleeping at the temple entrance on Thursday morning when it was spotted by a temple caretaker, said the Star newspaper, which published the animal’s picture clearly showing the extra two legs and the additional organ. “He (the caretaker) lifted the canine to place it elsewhere and was shocked to see that the puppy had six legs,” the Star quoted the Kwang Sung Temple committee member Tee Kim Huat as saying. The temple is in Pandamaran town, south of Kuala Lumpur near Port Klang. The puppy, believed to have been left there by someone, is being cared for by the temple committee, Tee said. He said devotees feel that the unusual dog is a bearer of good fortune and have named him Ong Fatt, or the Lucky One. The temple committee has obtained a dog-rearing permit from the Klang Municipal Council to keep the puppy as a pet.

Mike Tyson has been caught sneaking strippers into his hotel room. One onlooker told America’s New York Post newspaper: “Two nights in a row he ushered hookers and strippers up to his second-floor suite.” Tyson is reportedly getting ready for a comeback - and change of career. The former Heavyweight Champion of the World is trying to land a job as a judge on new US TV show, ‘Celebrity X Games’. Last year, Tyson revealed he was considering making an X-rated film with porn superstar Jenna Jameson. The pugilist, who reputedly has a 14in penis, said: “I talked to a gentleman called Jimmy who’s involved with Jenna Jameson. He said he was interested in getting me involved in the adult film industry.” However, plans for the proposed project fell through after Jameson revealed she had no plans to work with Tyson.

Size of the Industry $57.0 billion world-wide - $12.0 billion US

- Adult Videos $20.0 billion
- Escort Services $11.0 billion
- Magazines $ 7.5 billion
- Sex Clubs $ 5.0 billion
- Phone Sex $ 4.5 billion
- Cable & Pay Per View $ 2.5 billion
- Internet $ 2.5 billion
- CD-Rom $ 1.5 billion
- Novelties $ 1.0 billion
- Other $ 1.5 billion

Porn revenue is larger than all combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises. US porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC (6.2 billion) Child pornography generates $3 billion annually.

Internet Porn Statistics

- Pornographic websites 4.2 million (12% of total websites)
- Pornographic pages 372 million
- Daily pornographic search engine requests 68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
- Daily pornographic emails 2.5 billion (8% of total emails)
- Average daily pornographic emails/user 4.5 per Internet user
- Monthly Pornographic downloads (Peer-to-peer) 1.5 billion (35% of all downloads)
- Daily Gnutella “child pornography” requests 116 thousand
- Websites offering illegal child pornography 100 thousand
- Sexual solicitations of youth made in chat rooms 89%
- Youths who received sexual solicitation 20%
- Worldwide visitors to pornographic web sites 72 million annually

Children’s Exposure to Pornography

- Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography 11 years old
- Largest consumer of Internet pornography 12-17 age group
- 15-17 year olds having multiple hard-core exposures 80%
- 8-16 year olds having viewed porn online 90% (most while doing homework)
- 7-17 year olds who would freely give out home address 29%
- 7-17 year olds who would freely give out email address 14%
- Children’s characters linked to thousands of porn links 26 (including Pokeman and Action Man)

Adult Internet Porn Statistics

- Men admitting to accessing pornography at work 20%
- US adults who regularly visit Internet pornography websites 40 million
- Promise Keeper men who viewed pornography in last week 53%
- Christians who said pornography is a major problem in the home 47%
- Adults admitting to Internet sexual addiction 10%
- Breakdown of male/female visitors to pornography sites 72% male - 28% female

Women and Pornography

- 13% of Women admit to accessing pornography at work.
- 70% of women keep their cyber activities secret.
- 17% of all women struggle with pornography addiction.
- Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.
- Women favor chat rooms 2X more than men.
- 1 in 3 visitors to all adult web sites are women.
- 9.4 million women access adult web sites each month.

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. . but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above? LMAO

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Well, it was a good show. I haven’t been in a few years so it was a nice change to see some of the automotive innovations lately.

I was really looking for the Dodge Challenger 2007 Concept car, but alas… all I got was the new Camaro (sweet in its own right fo shizzle!).

The new Civic rocks, as do most of the BMWs, Hummers, Lambos, some new Jeep Rescue and the Mitsubishi Eclipses.

Enjoy…

Jug

Oh my God, I have got to get me one of these!

I just heard Will Smith in my head from Independance Day as I typed that.

From the sales literature…

Just plug the Wireless Extension Cord (WEC) base unit into a standard wall outlet, and plug whatever you need into the satellite unit. The WEC uses microwaves in the 7.2GHz range, so it won’t interfere with wireless networks, Bluetooth components, etc.

ThinkGeek :: Wireless Extension Cords

The singer who dressed as a policeman in the flamboyant late 1970s disco band “Village People” has been arrested after disappearing while drug and gun charges against him were pending, officials said on Monday. Victor Willis, who co-wrote some of the band’s hits such as “In the Navy” and “YMCA” has had a number of run-ins with the law since he left the group in 1980 and now faces as much as five years in prison, said Morley Pitt, assistant district attorney in San Mateo County south of San Francisco. “It’s just sad that his life has spiralled down to the point where in all likelihood he’s going to go to prison,” Pitt, who said he enjoys the song “YMCA”, told Reuters. “You never like to see anybody go to prison, let alone somebody who is 54 years old.”

Four burgers at his neighborhood Burger King cost George Beane a whopping $4,334.33. Beane ordered two Whopper Jr.s and two Rodeo cheeseburgers when he pulled up to the drive-through window last Tuesday. The cashier, however, forgot that she’d entered the $4.33 charge on his debit card and punched in the numbers again without erasing the original ones - thus creating a four-figure bill. The electronic charge went through to George and Pat Beane’s Bank of America checking account and left the couple penniless. Their mortgage payment was due and they worried checks they had written would bounce, Pat Beane said. “We were thinking, ‘No, not now!’” she said of the overcharge. Burger King did not charge the Beanes for their meal, and the couple got their $4,334.33 back on Friday. “For those three days, those were the most expensive value burgers in history,” Pat Beane said.

Up to a third of telephone users in Britain make calls in the nude, with men more prone to do it without clothes than women, a survey revealed on Thursday. Research commissioned by Britain’s Post Office, which offers a fledgling home phone service, revealed that 40 percent of men admitted to nattering naked compared with 27 percent of women. The results were based on a survey of 1,500 telephone users. The research also showed that people were so busy that one in 10 people admitted to wandering off and leaving the caller talking to themselves.

A Muslim couple in India has been told by local Islamic leaders they must separate after the husband “divorced” his wife in his sleep, the Press Trust of India reported. Sohela Ansari told friends that her husband Aftab had uttered the word “talaq,” or divorce, three times in his sleep, according to the report published in newspapers Monday. When local Islamic leaders got to hear, they said Aftab’s words constituted a divorce under an Islamic procedure known as “triple talaq.” The couple, married for 11 years with three children, were told they had to split. The religious leaders ruled that if the couple wanted to remarry they would have to wait at least 100 days. Sohela would also have to spend a night with another man and be divorced by him in turn.

A man found stuck in a Washington bank chimney didn’t try to cover up his intent. “We asked him what he was doing down there and he said, ‘What do you think? I’m trying to rob the bank,” said Police Chief Robert Perales Firefighters threw down a rope and pulled out a soot-covered 26-year-old man, who was arrested on the spot. He was booked into the municipal jail in nearby Wapato. Police in this lower Yakima Valley town had been summoned Thursday morning to the U.S. Bank because of an apparent break-in attempt. They discovered the stuck suspect after finding the top had been removed from the ventilation shaft for the furnace.

Sonia Goldstein was flattered by the nice recruiting letter asking her to consider becoming one of “the few, the proud.” But at age 78, she believes she’s just a little old to enlist in the U.S. Marine Corps. I couldn’t believe it,” Goldstein told KCAL-TV on Friday. “My girls were sitting here … we were in hysterics, we laughed so hard.” The letter told her the corps could use her unique language skills, but also warned that life as a Marine would test her physical and mental abilities “beyond anything you’ve ever known.” “There I am with my walker. I can’t maneuver from here to there without it,” said Goldstein, who added that her only language is English. “I’ll do whatever I could for this wonderful country we live in,” she said. “But you know, this is kind of stretching it a bit.” The Marines ordinarily recruit people 18 to 27, said Maj. Joseph Kloppel, a corps spokesman. He said the letter must have been sent by mistake. “Seventy-eight is obviously too old,” Kloppel added.

Say you’re walkin’ down the street with your spouse and bump into a fav celebrity or public figure. Who would you clarify on your “Allow List” to, umm… err you know.

Here’s mine…

- Kate Beckinsale
- Jessica Alba
- Klinger from Mash
- Beyonce
- Hillary Clinton

A Romanian mayor is under fire after he spent £10,000 on staging a party with male strippers to mark Women’s Day. Lucian Iliescu, the Mayor of Giurgiu, decided to spend public money laying on the treat for his female employees on March 8. He wrote in a report to the local council: “It has become a tradition for us to celebrate the women’s day on March 8. “In this light I recommend to allocate money for a special dinner with 350 guests, flowers for every women and a show with professional artists.”

A 75-year-old granddad has become a porn star in Russia after wandering into a blue movie audition by mistake. David Bozdoganov wandered into the Gorodcki production company’s studios after mistaking posters for new erotic actors as an advert for a muscle man show. Director Alexander Plahov said: “We were auditioning for a new film and had a number of couples on stage simulating sex when I saw an old guy standing at the back. “I wandered over to ask him to leave when I saw this massive package straining against his trousers. I thought, now this could be an original idea. “And I was right - all the movies we’ve made with David have been huge successes.” The OAPs biggest hits have been The Old Neighbour and The Handyman at Work. But Plahov added: “His female co-stars always complain because David believes in the beneficial power of garlic and insists on rubbing it on his erection before a scene and it’s rather smelly.”

A Cheltenham mum is to undergo therapy to help her overcome her fear of peas. Louise Arnold flees restaurants if she spots peas on a plate and gets anxious if she sees them in a supermarket. Now Louise, 35, is to undergo therapy as part of an ITV show called Phobias in a bid to cure her irrational fear. She will see counsellors, hypnotherapists and acupuncturists to tackle the phobia which began after the birth of daughter Chloe, five. She said: “I’ve got to stop this because I can’t bear to be in the same room as peas. But she gets little sympathy from her friends, who bought her a T-shirt saying: “Give peas a chance”.

James Blunt has revealed he sold his sister on eBay. The singer came up with the idea so she could attend a funeral in Ireland. The plan worked well for his sister as she is now dating the winner of the auction. According to IOL.com James said: “I had a bit of an eBay addiction and I sold everything in my apartment in London and then I came in one day and my sister was crying because she couldn’t get to a funeral in southern Ireland. “None of the planes were working, none of the trains, none of the ferries, so I saw another golden opportunity to flog something and so I put my sister up on eBay, saying, ‘Damsel in distress, needs to get to Southern Ireland. What do you get out of it as a bidder? You just get to be a knight in shining armour.’ “Everyone started bidding and a guy won and he had a helicopter and he could fly her to the funeral in southern Ireland and they’re now dating and they’ve been going out for 18 months and she’s living with him.” He said he has similar plans for his other sister, he added: “I have a second sister, who’s gonna go on sale soon.”

A newlywed pensioner has been arrested for having sex with his bride while driving away from their wedding reception. Traffic cops in Bergamo in northern Italy pulled the Fiat Punto over after watching it veer from side to side down a busy road. Inside they found a partially naked 70-year-old man behind the wheel and his 59-year-old bride sitting astride him. Ciampini was arrested for dangerous driving.

Kegel exercises were developed by Dr. Arnold Kegel to help women, especially after childbirth, regain bladder control by strengthening their pelvic muscles. Dr. Kegel later discovered that his exercises also increased orgasm intensity. There are many variations, but the exercises are similar.

For women and men:

- Locate your pelvic muscles by stopping the flow of urine midstream.

- Contract the pelvic muscles hard for one second and then release them, ten times in a row, three times a day. Gradually increase the number of contractions so that by the end of one month, you are doing ten contractions, twenty times a day.

- Vary the exercise by holding the contraction for a count of three and then releasing it. You can mix the exercises up, some short and some long.

- Kegel during commercials, every time the phone rings, at each stoplight when you are driving or riding, while you are waiting for your Web search results — find your own regular pattern.

- Kegel when having sex for extra pleasure for you and your partner.

- Do the Kegels for a minimum of six weeks. Results will not be immediate, but eventually, you will be able to notice a difference.

Note: Some practitioners recommend that pregnant women do up to one hundred extra Kegels per day to strengthen their pelvic muscles for the work they’re about to do.

Answer as honestly as you can. Rate your partner by assessing points for each statement below based upon frequency.

Never/Very Rarely - 0 points
Often True - 1 point
Almost Always- 2 points

————-

Your Partner:

1) Spends most of their free time with friends, or doing activities that don’t involve you.

2) Your mate always is willing to sacrifice what you would like to do because you “can’t leave your children.”

3) You stay home a lot because your partner doesn’t like to do anything or make plans for social activities together.

4) Your mate doesn’t take the initiative to spend fun and romantic time together, just the two of you, no kids or friends.

5) Your partner spends most of their time with you talking about the children or work. When you are together as a family, they pay very little attention to you compared to the children.

6) Your mate regularly does things that help them become numb to their feelings such as drinking, drugs, tranquilizers, eating, etc.

7) You share important feelings with friends that you can’t discuss with your partner because they won’t understand or will get upset, angry, or hurt.

8) Your mate tunes out your efforts to communicate, only half-listening to what you’re saying.

9) You consciously or unconsciously avoid being alone with your partner, doing things like working late at night, bringing work home, or over-scheduling yourself .

10) When you talk about sensitive issues - they usually get mad or hurt.

11) No matter how you do things, it never seems to be right or good enough for your partner.

12) When your mate gets angry, it takes them a long time to get past it before they forgive you or are loving again.

13) Your partner argues often and easily gets frustrated with you.

14) Your partner seems to criticize you a lot.

15) When you are together it seems that often your partner says things that leaves you feeling they don’t respect you.

16) When you go to restaurants, long drives, or on vacation together, they tend to get irritated with you for some reason or another.

17) Because of their appearance or the way they treat you, it’s not unusual to find yourself desiring or flirting with people other than your partner.

18) When you do have sex, even if it’s pleasurable, it doesn’t feel fulfilling. They are pretty predictable in bed.

19) Your mate avoids having sex or intimacy with you or usually leaves it up to you to initiate.

20) They neglect their appearance: i.e.: excessively overweight, doesn’t dress attractively for you, or neglects their personal hygiene.

21) You feel your partner takes you for granted.

22) You have to repeatedly ask to get help around the house with the chores, kids, etc.

————-

0 to 15 points: Congratulations. You have a pretty decent partner in most areas, with maybe just a couple of areas that need a little work to avoid future problems.

16-30 points: Chances are you are not in your first six months of bliss together. While it may not be time to panic, address the subjects in which your partner scored 2’s or there seems to be a re-curring theme. A “tune-up” is definitely in order since your relationship may not be enough of a priority or your partner may need to renew their respect and appreciation for you!

31 - 44 points: Danger Will Robinson! I suggest looking into couples counseling. You have trouble brewing on all fronts! Your relationship is in trouble. You are on the road to either a dead relationship or to separation. If you want to save it, tell your partner that you need and want outside help and are committed to making it work. You both will need to put in a lot of effort to survive this.