As some may have noticed, I’m performing a little spring cleaning. New look, new blogging software… moved from Blogger to Wordpress which offers lots in the way of SEO’ing the site, descriptive tags, easier video/image embedding and just more powerful all the way around.

You will see the design change some more, plus notice a few broken videos or images here and there while I’m making the transition from one platform to another.

Another possibility is to move hosts. Since installing the new Wordpress software, The DRP seems to have slowed down. I’ve seen this software run faster on other servers and to be honest, while my Host has been more than fantastic with every request I’ve ever sent them, their servers seem a bit outdated in both speed and any compiled software running those machines, thus limiting my flexibility.

Blah blah blah… to make a long story short (like I ever do that), thanks for your patience while I’m tinkerin’ away.

Chowder,

Jug

Well, its official — my friends Dan and his wife Barbara Ann (herein referred to as Dad and Mom) are the proud new parents of a baby boy, Alexander James, born healthy (and yes, with all fingers and toes) Tuesday morning, May 22nd, 2007.

Baby Specs:

Name: Alexander James Kubb
DOB: 05/22/07
TOB: 05:33am (PST)
Sex: Male
Weight: 8lbs, 10oz
Length: 21″
Hair: Brown, ample
Eyes: Blue
Health Status: Perfectly healthy with minor dissipating fluid in lungs
Marital Status: Single and looking
Sexual Orientation: Hetro (bloodwork confirmed)
Head Factor: Large, resulting in C-Section (look who the father is)
Cuteness Factor: 10 (1-10 with 1 being fugly and 10 uber cute)
Nationality: Canadian with a hint of indian
Accent: British (this is debatable as he’s only screamed so far)
Attire: Sleepers, diapers and occassionally nude

Birth Specs:

Birth Type: C-Section
Drugs (Mom): Nitrious Oxide, epidural
Drugs (Dad): Cigar, wine

Life Projections:

Career Path: Heir to Hugh Hefner or Programmer
Marriage: Yes, to Veronica Smithmuffin
Children: Yes, 11 all named Dan, Danny, Daniel, Danka, Dan Dan and Hans
Achievements: Take first step, poop on toilet, learn to ride bike, have first kiss, get a brain freeze, skydive, recycle, be the first Kubb to grow 6′ tall, read 479 books, travel with Uncle Jug to outerspace, oh and finish building dad’s shopping cart

Sounds pretty amazing huh?

If you want to see this wonder spawn in person, they’ll be in the maternity ward (3 North) at Langley Memorial Hospital for a few days and they are welcoming visitors. I’d call Mom’s cell first to make sure they’re still there.

Photos:

On Monday I turned 11697 days old. Wow!

Half my life ago I had just obtained my learner’s permit and I can clearly remember failing my first (and second) driver’s tests several months later and how heartbroken I was. I felt the entire world had just collapsed on me when in reality my weekend plans just got dishevelled a bit in that my friend Jeff and I couldn’t drive ourselves to the Lions game - not that big a deal in retrospect.

Fast forward to present day and life at the ripe new age of 32, again I am feeling very down. I never really considered myself *that* emotional a person. Yes, I take things personally sometimes and yes, am I guilty of building things up in my head. I’d like to think no more and no less than the next guy. I am human after all and in no way perfect.

In this most recent half, I’ve maintained friendships with my core group of friends from early highschool. Sure the odd guy strayed away, much like I myself did several years ago to pursue career options, but we’ve swayed back. I’ve always felt lucky to still have these relationships and that many of them have since expanded into spouses and/or families — making them all that much better.

Whenever I can, I try to make an effort when it comes to my friends. Whether it be a phone call, invitation to hang out or do something, an offer of my assistance on a project, sending Christmas cards, planning parties and camping trips, a supportive call during someone’s attempt at weightloss, calling to wish one’s child a happy birthday, giving someone a place to live when they are in need, helping someone get a job, taking someone out for a birthday drink or dinner, carrying a camera/cigars at all times for a pending birth, or just attempting to enjoy their company and make them feel as important to me as I possibly can… which to me, is my way of not taking them for granted, regardless of what is going on in my life and how busy I may be.

Granted, I miss things. I do all the time. Heck, I don’t know when everyone’s birthday is, or when they are planning to graduate or even if someone has been given a promotion at work. I understand things arise and I know certain aspects of one’s life take priority over others, but for EVERYONE to be too busy, or for NOBODY to make an effort, is a bit unfair and for that I am very sad.

Should this be bothering me? I’m not sure, but it does. I don’t ask for much, and I certainly never cause an inconvenience for people. I humbly try to take on as much as I can to alleviate stress and pressure for friends so maybe I just expected even the smallest of effort in return… I don’t know.

It embarrasses me to write this because I would never do something for someone under the premise of expecting anything in return. EVER! I do things because I want to and because I care for people close to me. I didn’t think I was unique in that regard. And while I know people may not reciprocate in the same fashion that I would for them, receiving nothing has opened my eyes to the fact that I may not be as important to them as they to me.

Today I feel unimportant, selfish, sad and embarrassed.

J

Note: *pay particular attention to the “Don’t Taunt Toronto Maple Leafs Fans” section please*

The road for the Vancouver Canucks may (or may not) lead to the Stanley Cup.
I know you want to support your favourite hockey franchise to the bitter end. That’s the popular thing to do, as long as the team is winning. But disappointment, failed expectations, and recurring doubt make it difficult for Joe (or Jane) Canuck to have complete and utter faith in their hockey club. In fact, it’s perfectly natural to want to abandon your team when your gut tells you they’re going to lose. It’s called “jumping off the bandwagon.”

Bandwagon jumping helps minimize the hurt when things become difficult. Like sidestepping a Todd Bertuzzi check instead of taking the hit, bandwagon-jumping can help reduce the pain.

And bandwagons are wonderful things. You can jump on them and off them as many times as you like. There’s no rule, and there’s no real consequence to your actions. However, your hockey-savvy community is able to recognize the bandwagon jumpers, and they tend to frown upon those who keep changing their team loyalties.

So to help minimize the effects of bandwagon-jumping and help preserve your own integrity, here are some helpful suggestions to help disguise your bandwagon-jumping practices.

Wear Reversible Team Jerseys
Get your mother to sew an opposing team’s jersey inside of your Vancouver Canucks jersey. If the team loses the game that night and you start to despair, simply remove the jersey and turn inside-out. No one will ever notice that you changed sides. If the Canucks win the next game, turn it back outside-right. Remember, flip-flopping is a natural reaction when your team fails to win.

Wear Team Canada Clothing
Wearing Team Canada apparel shows that you support the game of hockey, regardless of the team. And no matter who wins, there will always be Canadians on that team! You can celebrate a Canucks victory or defeat without embarassment. Wearing Team Canada apparel is neutral…like Switzerland…but that doesn’t mean you should wear Swiss apparel. That’s just wrong. (Sorry Martin Gerber).

Don’t Wear Facepaint
If you’re a Vancouver Canucks hockey fan, it’s hard to resist putting on the blue, green, and white make-up (or the silver, blue, burgundy, white), showing the city how much you love your team. But if you’re going to jump off the bandwagon, it’s difficult to quickly and easily remove all that paint from your face. Instead of wearing Canucks facepaint, instead wear a cheap plastic Kirk McLean goalie mask that can be easily disposed of when the team loses. No one will ever know who you were cheering for that night.

Don’t Taunt Toronto Maple Leafs Fans
It’s perfectly natural for hockey fans to tease those who love the Toronto Maple Leafs. In fact it’s usually encouraged. But if you’re worried about being branded as a bandwagon-jumper, you must be a little more cautious if you’re going to taunt Bud-lovers. Toronto fans never forgive, and they never forget (like when they last won the Stanley Cup back in 1967). If you ever jump off the bandwagon, the first people to remind you of your team’s failures, and your own character weaknesses will be Maple Leafs fans.

Minimize Your Team Support At Work
If you cover your workstation with Canucks flags, posters, and newspaper clippings, it’s difficult to be an effective bandwagon-jumper. First you have to remove all of your Canucks adornments, and deal with the disdain of your co-workers. If you’re going to jump, keep it simple and just maintain a Vancouver Canucks screensaver or background wallpaper on your work computer–something that can easily be removed or restored when necessary.

Don’t Overdress Your Vehicle In Canucks Team Colours
The more stickers and decals you place on your car, the harder it is to remove them. Instead of slapping a ton of Vancouver Canucks bumper stickers on your fenders, opt for those cheap Canucks team flags. These can easily be put away if you decide that you can no longer support a team that can’t score on a power-play. And, they can just as easily be re-attached to your window when the Canucks win game #2 and your team confidence is restored.

As a bandwagon-jumper, it’s important to have a plan in place, whether the Canucks win or lose. If they go all the way and win the Stanley Cup, you’ll enjoy the winning feeling as much as the truly committed fan. But if they let you down, like the 2003 team that blew the 3-1 series lead against the Minnesota Wild, at least you have something left to criticize those overpaid, under-achieving floaters who stole a little piece of your heart

A SKINNY LITTLE WHITE GUY GOES INTO AN ELEVATOR, LOOKS UP AND SEES THIS HUGE BLACK GUY STANDING NEXT TO HIM. THE BIG GUY SEES THE LITTLE GUY STARING AT HIM LOOKS DOWN AND SAYS:

“7 FEET TALL, 350 POUNDS, 20 INCH PRIVATE, 3 POUND TESTICLES, TURNER BROWN.”

THE WHITE MAN FAINTS AND FALLS TO THE FLOOR. THE BIG GUY KNEELS DOWN AND BRINGS HIM TO, SHAKING HIM. THE BIG GUY SAYS: “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”

IN A WEAK VOICE THE LITTLE GUY SAYS, “WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU SAY TO ME?”

THE BIG DUDE SAYS: “I SAW YOUR CURIOUS LOOK AND FIGURED I’D JUST GIVE YOU THE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS EVERYONE ALWAYS ASKS ME…..

I’M 7 FEET TALL, I WEIGH 350 POUNDS, I HAVE A 20 INCH PRIVATE, MY TESTICLES WEIGH 3 POUNDS EACH, AND MY NAME IS TURNER BROWN.”

THE SMALL GUY SAYS: “TURNER BROWN?!…SWEET JESUS, I THOUGHT YOU SAID, “TURN AROUND”.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”

I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,”Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either… but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.