the daily rumpy pumpy

- Stressed about work
- Nervous/excited about my house being finished in 2+ weeks
- Back on Dr. B — hungry as hell
- Madly in love, happy and content for the first time in a very very long time
- Not sure about the Canuck’s new coach (will see)

Here are the top ten old-west phrases that will never sound the same after that damned gay cowboy movie:

1. “I’m gonna pump you fulla lead!”
2. “Give me a stiff one, barkeep!”
3. “Don’t fret—I’ve been in tight spots before.”
4. “Howdy, pardner.”
5. “You stay here while I sneak around from behind.”
6. Two words: “Saddle Sore.”
7. “Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like.”
8. “Let’s mount up!”
9. “Nice spread ya got there!”
10. “Ride’em cowboy!”

Well well well, there is hope for us introverted, hairy uppa’-lipped, light-allergic puter geeks witih regards to possibly getting laid.

While it may only be virtual sex, the VR is looking prettier and more realistic all the time (let them load):

- Sexy Japanese Girl
- Sexy Japanese Girl (nude)

Otay!

Jug

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I’d rather have the money.

HE: I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must’ve been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don’t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I’ve already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven’t I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I’m a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.

HOLY FUCK I’M DRUNK!!!

Edmonton lost to Carolina tonite……………… Sons on Bitches!!! (Fuck’n Americans!!!)

Bailey’s B-day was today!!! June 19th.

Father’s day was yesterday……… Bailey made me a father’s day book! Entitled:

SUPERDAD!!!
by Bailey
Illustrated
by Bailey

pg. 1: This is my Dad. (illustration)
pg. 2: My Dad likes to… go to the movies with me. (illustration)
pg. 3:He doesn’t like to… smoke. (illustration)
pg. 4: I like being with my Dad most when… he’s watching hockey. (illustration)
pg. 5: My Dad is very handsome when… he puts on cologne. (illustration)
pg. 6: If I could could give my Dad something special it would be… a car. (illustration)
pg. 7: I love him very much because… he loves me. (illustration)

I am so proud of my son. He’s just like ME!!!!!! His youth brings me back & I’m loving it!

I “LOVE!!!! ” my job.

Jen & I are doing good.

Slowly rebuilding! Everything’s going pretty much as planned!

I will be on my own for the first time in a long time at the end of the month!!!

Also…

I miss Andy.

At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for mayor, “Your former secretary said publicly that you have a small penis… Would you please comment on this?”

“The truth really is,” replied the politician, “That she has a big mouth.”

Ok, I’ve read the poisat 2 tinmew, and as tiou can see fromn my typing, im’ half in the bag, i think that this cat is available, or maybe it is almost there. Either wayk can we convert Bentley and sve her ass? LOL
Nobel Intent: Hypoallergenic cats are nothing to sneeze at

Been a while since my last tattoo (like a decade or so), but I’ve been thinking of getting another one for some time, and well, my bro has more ink than I do and figured he’d be up for getting another one or 6.

As a birthday present, I came up with the idea for matching Kanji (one of the 4 Japanese alphabets) symbols representing ‘older brother’, ‘younger brother’, and if combined, simply ‘brothers’. He liked the idea and we went with the latter.

Have a look (view all pics here):

Good times!

Jug

A friend just brought me back a small bottle of Tequila, and Gonzo decided to drink it back, along with the worm.

Have a look!

Well, things are piling up on my desktop which means it has been a while since I posted some of this shit. Here are a few vids today.

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Ok, this is pretty disturbing. I mean, what if you woke up next to one of these the next morning, post-one night stand? Not only would you be filled with regret and nausea, but you’d also be helplessly unable to bolt for the door and never look back as they would latch on and never let go!

That’s a HUGE BITCH!

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Umm, honey… I don’t have the “Hello Moto” ring tone on my phone, but you could make up for it by following suit here.

Hint: grab a pen and pad o’ paper — take notes!

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Hmm, Brucetta and Daveina. Not much to look at, but sure possess the intellect! Kudos ya blokes.

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Now what do I do about this rash? It just won’t go away and is leaking umm, err, k forget it!

Jug