Recently, my mom (who is diabetic) raved about this new store that opened in Langley called the Diabetic Station — a store providing no/low-sugar alternatives for people suffering from Diabetes.

The Diabetic Station provides a lot of the wonderous treats you and I take for granted when we habituously purchase junk food. Diabetics can’t (or at the very least, shoudn’t!) eat the same as we do because of their body’s lack of ability to properly handle both artificial and naturally occuring sugars within the body.

Anyway, mom’s rave got me thinking about checking the place out. After several drive-bys when I didn’t have the time to stop in, I finally did. 20 mins later and a bag full of no/low-sugar Reese Peanut Butter Cups, Jelly Belly Sours, Red Vine Red Licorice, Peanut Butter covered cookie dough balls, Chocolate Whipped Meringues and a sizeable chocolate bar (all for TESTING of course), I was on my way.

Over the next hour or so, I dipped into everything short of the choco bar. In fact, I abused the Reese PBCs, Meringues, cookie dough balls and Jelly Bellys to the point there was nothing left (ok, my girlfriend was with me on this day and she contributed to all the gluttoness activity). We couldn’t get over how good it tasted, and yet how low in sugar (if any) and calories this stuff was — damnit, new treats for camping season!

Ok, fast forward 2 hours and I am literally poo’ing in Stanley Park for about 1.5hrs. I took three trips back and forth from the vehicle over that span, just to get feeling back in my legs from all the throne-sitting! Some date with ma’lady huh? Not that she was immune to the events, but she just didn’t consume like I did - or else she had Superman’s colon!

Nevertheless we had a concert to hit so off we went after feeling somewhat normal again. An hour or so later (and about 40 mins into the show), I had a major pressure pushing on the inner walls of my bum bum (any visualizers out there???). So, I made my way to the men’s room and listened to most of the opening band’s set from stall #2. Surprisingly the acoustics in the ol’ loo weren’t that bad.

Total time spent in the washroom as a result of ignoring WARNING labels (sigh, see below) and eating myself into a shit stew? 2hrs, 11 minutes!

Good times.

Jug

P.S. Yes, the warning says: Excess consumption may have a laxative effect.