the daily rumpy pumpy

Brokeback spider

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?”, she asked.

“They’re mating”, her father replied.

What do you call the spider on top?”, she asked.

“That’s a Daddy Long-legs”, her father answered.

“So, the other one is a Mommy Long legs?”, the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied “No dear. Both of them are Daddy Long legs.”

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment… then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, “Well, we’re not having any of that gay shit in our garden.”

Better to be a smart one than a dumb one I say

While I was watching the NFL playoff games one weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills.

During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.

Sometimes it’s tough being married to a smartass.

Video of the day

Holy shit… I will drive my ass to Arizona for even a hint of a wash like this.

Jug

DRP Webcast Replay (show #6)

Whazzup groupies,

Here’s our 6th show… enjoy, and feel free to offer topic suggestions for next week’s show (by Sunday).

Show Duration: 2 hours, 36 minutes
Show Hightlights: Phone calls, Top Dating Tips
Download Specs: 99MB, MP3

Enjoy!

Jug

P.S. Right click the above link and “Save As” or “Save Target As” (PC) to your computer. MAC users fend for yourselves you damn trend-setters.

Top Dating Tips

Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, decide who you are looking for, do your research and be ready to commit to dating. Half heartedness won’t work. Also prepare for some let downs along the way but don’t take dating too seriously either.

Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself.

Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don’t go overboard and look like someone you are not but maybe its time to throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. People appreciate appearance.

Have a good think about what your dating goals are and timescales. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don’t take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.

Sort out your confidence levels in advance. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Do all the things that will boost your confidence from avoiding negative friends (often the married ones) to attending the right kind of social functions. Couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.

Choose those you have a good chance of dating, don’t aim low but do aim realistically. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous then good for you, but be prepared and be realistic about your chances.

Work out in advance where in your neighborhood you are likely to meet people and join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups, anything where you are likely to meet potential partners. The kind of partners you are looking for. I know its a cliché but you will not meet people by staying indoors.

Take time off from dating occasionally if its not going well or causing dating fatigue. Dating is an ongoing process and so recharging the batteries and keeping the confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. So date in phases if necessary.

Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not bring you a sparkle. The fact is, most people are interesting and whilst you may not be out there looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.

Never ever make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. In keeping with this do not sleep with your dates early on if you want them to progress, so keep sex until later. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. Peak too early and you have little left to offer and emotions may never have had the time to develop.

Do Join a quality Internet dating agency for free and do post a photo profile if possible. Take your time and check your mail occasionally. Even if you never date online at least it will boost your confidence and spirits and allow you to Practise your opening lines and chat up skills. Internet dating is fun and secure and introduces you to the world of dating safely and gently.

Is Chivalry Still Alive?

The damsel in distress is trapped in the tower of the evil emperor’s castle. Her only hope for survival is the prince, her knight in shining armor who will climb up the tower to rescue his princess and carry her off into the sunset. And drum roll, please. here he comes, gallivanting his way to the castle. He jumps over the moat, climbs the tower, lifts her up over his shoulder, and props her onto the horse. He slays the dragon and the happy couple are whisked away into the glimmering night sky.

Nowhere in this fairytale did the princess say, “I can get onto the horse myself, thank you very much,” nor did the knight say “Hey baby, let’s go back to my place and have some fun.”

ONCE UPON TIME…

This fairytale analogy isn’t intended to be nostalgic, it’s meant to point out the difference between the old-fashioned days of chivalry, and how it has evolved today. I recently posed the question, “Is chivalry dead?” and received an overwhelming amount of responses on the topic. Everything from “chivalry is alive and kicking” to “it’s alive but on life support,” was mentioned. Whatever the case, it’s evident that the chivalry of today exists in a different form.

Let’s take a look at how chivalry has changed, how it affects dating today, and what this means to us.

GOOD KNIGHT

Chivalry used to connote the characteristics of knighthood. It meant being courteous to women and being gallant. But in the days of Destiny’s Child crooning about Independent Women , and women believing that they can live without men, it’s hard for guys to realize that ladies do want to be treated like princesses.

And I don’t blame men for thinking that women want to be treated like strong, independent people, because they are. Men are faced with a double standard where they know women want to be swept off their feet, and want and expect men to make the first move, but at the same time, they preach that they are strong and can be single for the rest of their lives.

What men don’t understand is that women want to be treated well, and want to be placed up on a pedestal. This treatment does not lessen their strength or independence, but it’s up to women to show that they want this treatment.

NO, AFTER YOU

This brings me to an important point about chivalry. It was mostly men who responded and offered insight on this topic. Many men have stated that although they believe in chivalry, they feel they are making futile attempts at being courteous when their actions go unnoticed and unappreciated by females.

On one hand you have a woman who waits for the man to walk ahead of her and open the door, while on the other you have the gentleman who does open the door for her, only to have his date shout at him that she doesn’t need his help.

Do women really want you to be chivalrous or better yet, is she worth it?

THE TIMES ARE A CHANGIN’

While I mentioned that women dream of the days of old-fashioned movies where a kiss was enough to extinguish lust, the man would lift his loved one up the winding staircase and help his lady put on her coat. Women, however, must understand that they can’t have their cake and eat it too.

The women depicted in these films were also forced to stay at home and tend to the house and children, proving that the times are just plain different in every respect.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for old-fashioned romance and chivalry; it just goes to show that the concept of chivalry has changed with the times. Chivalry now means being kind and courteous to anyone, regardless of if we are romantically interested in them or not. This means helping the older woman carry her groceries to her car, or even simple things such as saying “Bless you” when someone sneezes.

Unfortunately, kindness to strangers has become a rarity, with people slamming doors in people’s faces, and pushing in line at the checkout counter — and both men and women are guilty of this. Because common courtesy doesn’t exist as much anymore, it makes us suspicious when we do receive kind gestures from others, and we assume kindness is part of someone’s ulterior motives.

WHERE HAS CHIVALRY GONE?

At the risk of sounding like a sociology textbook, let’s take a look at why the presence of chivalry may have disintegrated today:

1. Technology: Technology seems to be the scapegoat of all our problems, but it helps to explain why we seem to be in our own little bubble on a daily basis. The days of personal letters (scented with your lover’s perfume) are long gone, and rather than step foot into our neighbor’s cubicle at work, we send an e-mail to ask a simple “How do you do?” The smaller the world becomes and the easier it is to communicate, the less we reach out to others personally and the more we tend to want to stick to ourselves.

2. Self-centered attitudes: I don’t want to sound jaded and cynical about mankind, but society has become more self-absorbed and self-centered, especially when it comes to strangers.

IS SHE WORTH IT?

A common fallacy among men and women is that chivalry is one-sided, which means that a woman can also take the initiative and do something chivalrous for her man, especially since the times have changed. You want to put yourself out for a woman who is worthy of such royal treatment, since this says a lot about her personality. The problem is that it’s hard to tell whether or not the woman you are stressing over deserves your efforts of chivalry. Here’s how to tell if your lady can also be a gentle wo man:

- If you open the car door for her and she unlocks your door once she’s inside.

- She offers to split the bill at the fancy restaurant you went to for dinner (or even better, she pays for it once in a while — if she doesn’t pay for it, she pays for your movie ticket after dinner).

- She surprises you with that CD you’ve been talking about or sends you flowers at work.

- She brings you over chicken soup when you’re feeling under the weather.

- She shows how appreciative she is of your actions and recognizes how lucky she is.

Chivalry isn’t about getting things in return, it’s about being recognized to a degree for your actions and knowing that the person you are with will also treat you right. Chivalry is a two-way street, in which you shouldn’t be taken for a ride.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER…

So what’s the solution to all of this? As chivalry now means being kind to everyone, the best thing to do is just be yourself. Act normal, and don’t try to be too chivalrous or the woman you’re pining over will see right through your act. The truth is, if she isn’t appreciative, then she’s probably not someone you’ll want to invest your time in. If you like her, then you will automatically put her on a pedestal without realizing it.

And once she’s on that pedestal as high as the castle tower — where you are the only one to rescue her — she will look out for the knight in shining armor in you.

Wacky news this week

A 53-year-old German woman who was driving her dead mother across country to save on mortuary transportation costs was fined by police for disturbing a dead person’s peace. You’re not allowed to transport dead people in your private car,” said Ralf Schomisch, police spokesman in Koblenz, where the car was found after a tip-off from a mortuary. “The corpse was on the back seat without a seat belt, which in this case didn’t really matter. But it was covered up with clothing. It is a misdemeanor.”

A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said on Thursday. One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said. The woman then phoned the Broward County Sheriff’s Office and the suspect fled. He was arrested at another woman’s apartment in the same Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood on Wednesday, a sheriff’s spokesman said. The white-haired suspect, Philip Winikoff, carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital. “He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams,” sheriff’s spokesman Hugh Graf said in a statement. At least two women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes and he fondled and sexually assaulted them, the investigators said. Winikoff was not a doctor, Graf said. He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership.

Procter & Gamble Co. is looking into a report that an Iowa woman found a dead turtle in a package of its Folgers coffee, the company said on Friday. P&G spoke with the woman, Marjorie Morris, on Thursday. The incident was reported by the Associated Press. Morris says she found the turtle in a vacuum-packed brick package of Folgers coffee. She transferred the coffee to a plastic container for storage in the refrigerator and no longer has the original packaging, a spokeswoman for P&G said. Morris is sending the animal to P&G for investigation. “We believe that this is an isolated incident,” P&G spokeswoman Susanne Dusing told Reuters. P&G, which makes Folgers and Millstone coffees, said it was not aware of any other such incidents. According to the AP report, Morris, of Ainsworth, Iowa, said she does not plan to sue Folgers. The report comes months after Wendy’s International Inc. saw its sales suffer after a woman claimed she had found a piece of human finger in a bowl of the burger chain’s chili. The woman and her husband were later arrested and pleaded guilty to charges that they planted the finger in the chili to obtain compensation from Wendy’s.

A homeless man searching through garbage bins for recyclable cans found a missing wallet and had it returned to its owner. Kim Bogue, who works as a janitor in the city’s government buildings, realized that her wallet was missing last week and doubted she’d ever get back the $900 and credit cards inside, she said. “I prayed that night and asked God to help me,” said Bogue, who was saving the money for a trip to her native Thailand. Days later, a homeless man found the wallet wrapped in a plastic bag in a trash bin, where Bogue had accidentally thrown it away with her lunch. He gave it to Sherry Wesley, who works in a nearby building. “He came to me with the wad of money and said, ‘This probably belongs to someone that you work with, can you return it,’” Wesley said. Workers at a nearby relief kitchen said the man, who didn’t want to be identified, insists on paying for his food. “He has a very good heart,” said Bogue, who gave the man a $100 reward. “If someone else found it, the money would be gone.”

LISTEN LIVE: Webcast starting at 7pm!!!

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Thanks,

Jug

Expedition tips

For all you explorers, here are a few tips.

How to Avoid an Avalanche
Yes, you’ve checked the avalanche report; yes, you’re carrying a beacon and shovel; and, yes, you and your companions have practiced avalanche rescue. But still . . . before dropping into that backcountry bowl, says Bruce Tremper, of the [U.S.] Forest Service’s Utah Avalanche Center, look at the surface of the snow.

If it seems rough and sandblasted, the pack is eroded and probably safe. But if you see a smooth, rounded slope, it could signal a dangerous wind slab—where gusts have piled on additional layers of snow—and you should head down elsewhere.

How to Build a Fire When It’s Wet
Carry a few clean twigs inside the fuel bottle for your stove, says John Gookin, the curriculum manager for the National Outdoor Leadership School in Lander, Wyoming. When all else fails, use a few of the fuel-soaked sticks to jump-start a recalcitrant campfire. “Trust me,” he says, “those babies will light.”

How to Climb Higher
Pressure-breathe and rest-step: “Together, the two techniques are the best way I know to minimize fatigue when you’re hiking up a mountain,” says Scott Carr-Morrill, who founded an outdoor-education program at Utah’s Brighton Ski Area.

Inhale deeply as your foot comes off the ground, he says, then use the force of stepping uphill to facilitate a complete exhalation, squeezing the carbon dioxide out and setting you up for another breath. To rest-step, drop the heel and completely straighten the leg with each step, which puts the weight on your skeleton and allows your muscles to rest momentarily.

How to Cross a River on Foot
It’s cold and fast—and you need to get across. But hopping from rock to rock with your boots on is exactly the wrong way to do it, says veteran river runner and Sobek Expeditions founder Richard Bangs.

“Find a wrist-thick, shoulder-height stick—best if it has a natural fork at one end for wedging between rocks,” he says. With boots off (you’ll have better traction barefoot), “enter the stream facing at an angle against the current, planting the stick upstream, and work slowly across.” Your feet will warm up once they’re back in dry boots.

How to Fight Altitude Sickness
Along with ascending slowly and taking time to acclimatize, try the herb ginkgo biloba, used by the Chinese for more than 5,000 years. “Take 100 milligrams twice a day, starting a few days before your climb,” says Dr. Peter Hackett, the president of the International Society of Mountain Medicine.

“We don’t know why ginkgo helps, but in tests it reduces both the incidence and severity of AMS [acute mountain sickness].” The herb also increases peripheral blood flow, so your hands and feet may stay warmer.

How to Find Your Way
First, check the age of your map. “The USGS [U.S. Geological Survey] topos that most hikers use can be severely outdated,” says champion orienteer Kristin Hall. Over the years, fires, floods, and development may have changed the face of the land. Trails and roads may have been rerouted. Yet these transient features are often the very ones people use to get their bearings.
So, unless your map is absolutely current, Hall recommends orienting yourself using only “the big features that aren’t going to change—valleys, mountains, lakes.”

How to Fix Gear in the Field
Always carry dental floss, says Annie Getchell, the author of The Essential Outdoor Gear Manual (McGraw-Hill). Getchell is something of a backcountry Mary Poppins: She totes a small, magical bag filled with oddments—from electrical tape to hose clamps—that can see her through any mishap.

Floss comes in handiest, especially for sewing together thick materials such as the neoprene of wet suits, the leather of hiking boots, and the nylon of backpacks.

How to Haggle for Anything
“Laugh—it’s a game,” says world-traveling filmmaker Karin Muller. “Even if you get taken, don’t take it too seriously. I mean, if you really want something, buy it.” In other words, you may spend a few grand on a trip—why fret over a few bucks for a souvenir?

Get in the ballpark, pricewise, by asking a local what the real going price is for the object. Next, when you approach the person selling what you want, offer a bit less. “Then I go back and forth and keep smiling. I make up stories like, ‘It’s for my sister who’s about to get married.’
Ultimately, I’ll pay a little bit more than the price we agree upon. It then becomes an exchange of gifts, and I’ve made a friend.”

How to Melt Snow to Drink
World-class mountaineer Heidi Howkins always brings a black foam sleeping pad when she heads into the high peaks. “In the morning, I set it up on sloped rocks so it’s like a gutter, and I put a pot at the bottom,” she says. “Then I sprinkle snow on the pad, and it melts in the sun—it’s a great way to melt water without wasting fuel.”

How to Predict the Weather
You don’t, says mountaineering guide Dave Hahn. A veteran of such weathery places as the Alaska Range, Antarctica’s Vinson Massif, and Washington’s Mount Rainier, Hahn believes in the empirical school of field meteorology.

“Observations,” he says, “are worth billions more than predictions.” For example, Hahn says forget the fact that electrical storms are rare on the Seattle side of the Cascades in summer: “Trust the short hairs standing up on the back of your neck and the sparks flying from your ice ax.”

In other words, don’t let predictions of fair weather lure you into ignoring the storm clouds gathering overhead. Hahn is proud of his ability to notice weather changes “at the instant they occur.” Which is a more valuable skill than it may appear, since the importance of assessing conditions is easily forgotten in the heat of battle.

“There is nothing like a view of a summit to make one see silver linings around pure evil storm cells,” he says. “Even seasoned climbers will come up to you during perfectly awful, avalanche-inducing, frostbiting, epic-book-writing weather and point up and say, ‘Isn’t that blue sky up there?’ Yeah, too bad we aren’t climbing to 60,000 feet [18,300 meters], or we could use it.”

How to Slip a Bribe
Never travel without whiskey and cigarettes, says Eric Simonson, the leader of the 1999 expedition that found George Mallory’s body on Mount Everest. When a small-time functionary starts stroking his chin and proclaiming that “there is a problem,” you can use the goodies as a service fee.

“First, find the person who actually has the power to help you,” says Simonson. “Then, rather than argue or provoke a confrontation, try asking, ‘What does it take for there not to be a problem?’ Keep in mind that it’s never a bribe but a small fee for the ‘help’ you are going to get, and it is passed discreetly, with a smile.”

How to Swing a Machete
It’s your passport to the jungle worlds of Livingstone and Kipling—and about the only socially acceptable excuse for wielding a knife longer than your arm.

Here’s how to do it right: “Keep your wrist parallel to the cut, and always cut at an angle, “says Michael Fay, who swung a machete hundreds of thousands of times during the Megatransect, his 2,000-mile [3,220-kilometer] bushwhack through the jungles of Congo and Gabon.

The three steps to a proper stroke are;
(1) let the shoulder come down,
(2) lead with the elbow, and
(3) at the last second, use a flick of the wrist. Chop down on woody saplings, and use an upward flick at the flimsy herbaceous stuff.

Outdoor tips

Here are some tips for the amateur outdoors men/women who are experimenting with new activities. (ie: kayaking, hiking, mountain biking, etc.) I Know that winter is over and the skiing information is no longer applicable but read it anyways. It may be helpful next season.

How to Beach a Kayak
Set up first, back-paddling while you observe how the breakers are crashing on the beach. Then, start paddling early and ride the front of the wave. Keep your body weight forward, just ahead of the break, because if you slip back into the trough, the next wave will break on top of you. Once you hit the beach, exit the boat quickly.

How to Bike Up Steep Trails
To stop your front wheel from wandering when you’re pedaling up steep trails, slide your butt forward, lower your chest, and push hard on the handlebars.

How to Hike Lighter
Chuck your boots. Instead, wear low-top hikers, sneakers, or sandals. The old saw that a pound [half a kilogram] off your feet is like five [about two kilograms] off your back is true. What gives you support is the heel cup. To drillers of holes in toothbrush handles, big deal. Weigh your big items. A lighter rain jacket alone can save a pound.

How to Keep Warm on Frigid Hikes
How do you stay warm when it’s 30 degrees below [-34°C] with a windchill of minus 75 [-59°C]? Stoke the “inner” while managing the “outer,” says Ann Bancroft, who endured just such conditions on her 1,717-mile [2,763-kilometer] trek across Antarctica with Liv Arnesen in 2000-2001. The advice applies in milder winter weather, too.

Most people have the outer part of the equation down—insulate with layers of wool, fleece, Gore-Tex, and so on—but the inner is often neglected. Keeping the metabolic furnace roaring takes huge amounts of fuel, Bancroft says, and that includes “all the high-fat stuff you can’t eat at home.” Every day, the two women consumed granola bars, potato chips, high-fat freeze-dried dinners—and a foot-and-a-half-long [half-meter-long] chocolate bar. They drank cocoa fortified with instant coffee, cream, and sugar.

“At the end of the day, if we’d paid attention to our internal thermostat, we could simply get out of wet boots and into dry socks and sip some hot soup,” Bancroft says. “The world changes at that point.”

How to Leave Absolutely No Trace
In fragile alpine terrain, sandy ground, and rocky soil, human waste can be an environmental problem even when it’s buried. Jennifer Tucker of Leave No Trace recommends that you use a carrier (such as the Restop; www.whennaturecalls.com) to pack out your waste or that you make your own disposable toilet. Sounds fun, eh?

First, fit a paper bag inside a Ziploc bag, then cover the outside with duct tape. Carry a small supply of flushable cat litter to add to it at the appropriate moments. Flush the contents when you get back.

How to Make Tastier Backcountry Grub
“Real food!” is Alan Kesselheim’s mantra. Or at least real flavor, says the author of Trail Food (McGraw-Hill).

“Bring some garlic cloves—how much can they weigh?—and half an onion.” Kesselheim also recommends fresh thyme and basil, which can be stashed in prescription-medicine containers.

Other key ingredients: spiced oil, hot mustard, and dried salsa. Use them to jazz up your staple of choice: rice, pasta, couscous, or even basic, prepackaged dishes from the grocery store.

How to Paddle With Power
“Most people concentrate on pulling off the paddle,” says Sam Drevo, extreme-kayaking champion in the 2001 Gorge Games. But that’s a mistake. Instead, “plant the blade and use your torso, abs, and legs to move the boat toward the paddle. The body, more than the arms, powers the stroke.”

How to Put on Your Skis
Skis often skid away—or plunge deeper into the snow—when you try to step into the bindings on a precipitous slope.

Ski mountaineer and instructor Doug Coombs suggests a simple remedy: Begin by spearing the tail of your left ski into the snow. The rear binding should be just above the surface, with the ski sticking out at about 45 degrees to the right of the fall line. Next, with your plank securely anchored, stomp into the binding and roll your leg to the right as you transfer weight onto the ski.

“When you step down,” Coombs says, “the ski should end up sideways on the slope.” Slide the left ski downhill a tad. That will give you a solid platform—the snow packed down by the left ski—to stand on as you repeat the process with your right ski. Now you’re good to go.

How to Run Off-Road
If you want to become a better off-road runner, shorten your stride and strengthen your abs, says Brian Metzler, the editor of Trail Runner magazine.

A short stride is more efficient on gnarly terrain because it minimizes energy-wasting slips. As for the abs, Metzler says your body works them overtime to maintain balance and to brace against shocks on uneven trails, “so do your sit-ups, crunches, V-sits, whatever. Strengthening your stomach is the best way to make the transition from road running to trail. If you haven’t been doing your ab work, you’ll wind up hurting.”

How to See More Fish When Diving
Free-diving photographer Tim Calver [see his recent shots for Adventure] can hold his breath long enough to get cool shots a hundred feet [30 meters] underwater. But his tankless technique is just as handy for snorkelers who want more face time with fish a dozen feet [3.5 meters] down.

Relaxation—both mental and physical—is the key, Calver says. Prepare by taking long, meditative breaths, exhaling everything, and then filling your lungs completely. Next, bend at the waist, kick one leg up in the air, and commence a slow, easy flutter kick in a straight line toward the bottom.

“The less effort you use, the more time underwater you’ll have without bubbles and noise disturbing the sea life,” he says.

How to Stick to the Rock
Standing on your tiptoes when the climbing gets tough is a natural tendency, but that stance leaves only a smidgen of rubber on the rock.

The alternative is the basic technique of “smearing,” says Bob Gaines, the director of southern California’s Vertical Adventures Rock Climbing School. “You need to maximize the surface contact between your sole and the rock, so relax the ankle and let your heel come down.” More sticky rubber on the rock equals less time dangling on the rope.

How to Ski Faster
Keep your hands out and extend them farther forward the faster you go,” says Olympic medalist Billy Kidd, the director of skiing at Colorado’s Steamboat Ski Resort. It’s about control and balance: “You don’t see tightrope walkers with their hands in their pockets.”

How to Swim Rapids
If you dump in the middle of a churning river, the first thing to remember is to hang on to your paddle, says veteran river kayaker Arlene Burns. It extends your reach by five feet [1.5 meters], making it that much easier for someone to haul you back into the raft—always the preferred option.

But if there’s no one nearby to help, Burns advocates “the Mark Spitz school of self-rescue: Swim like hell. I know, everyone says to lie on your back with your feet up, so you can flex your knees and bounce off rocks. But I say, be flexible.”

Sometimes, when you’re above a rapid, a few vigorous strokes can help you avoid a nasty hole or massive rock downriver. (Assume the traditional defensive posture before you enter the white water, though.) If you’re below a rapid, swim for shore—the next big one may be just around the corner.

How to Take Better Photos
Getting people in the picture is often the difference between an inspired travel photo and an insipid one. But capturing natural looking shots of locals or trip mates can be tougher than shooting a leaping gazelle.

The secret is to “shoot first, ask questions later,” says Rob Howard, a contributing photographer for Adventure. “You have to step over the threshold of civility to get great pictures—get in people’s faces.” But do it with a smile.

Howard considers himself “the biggest goof with a camera in the world. I smile, laugh, make fart sounds with my armpits—anything to force the moment.”

How to Telemark for Real
Find your back foot. “Most telemarkers do what I call a fake-a-mark—telemark stance, Alpine turn,” says Dick Hall, the director of the North American Telemark Organization. “They ski with their weight on the downhill edge and don’t weight the back foot.”

To help skiers learn the correct weight distribution, Hall teaches what he calls the Goofy Foot Trick: Drop into your strong-side telemark stance and turn. When you’re ready to go the other direction, stay in the exact same position; don’t switch to the other knee down. You’ll be forced to put pressure on the back foot as well as the front in order to make the turn.

Once you’ve mastered the goofy turn, you’ll find yourself weighting your back foot more effectively when you return to the conventional stance.

How to Wipe Out on a Bike
If you’re going to flip over the handlebars, tuck your head down, your arms in, bring your legs up, and roll,” says mountain bike downhiller Leigh Donovan. The eight-time national champion rehearses for “endos” by doing somersaults. Most crashes, though, are less showy. When you’re losing balance to one side, don’t let go of the handlebar. “If you stick an arm out, you’ll break it.”

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