1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
2. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
6. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
10. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
11. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
12. If something we said or do can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
18. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
19. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
21. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
22. You have enough clothes.
23. You have too many shoes.
24. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
25. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Anonymous says:
I REALLY hope and pray that you don’t live these rules (or hope to), or you’re gonna be an old lonely man. #5 is SO true though.
Mar 24, 2006, 5:07 amAnonymous says:
LMAO….you took the words right outta my mouth Anonymous! Not that I haven’t seen many female versions geared toward men too tho. This blog site is defintitely geared toward the man. The pics, the vids, the jokes. Guess gals aren’t allowed in here.
Mar 24, 2006, 6:22 amAnonymous says:
I dont agree with the first anonymous, I think that men dont have to live by this, men are this and women need to stop acting like drama queens cause it gives us normal ones a bad name.
Mar 24, 2006, 6:43 amJughead says:
Wow, battle of the no-names!
Mar 24, 2006, 7:37 amAnonymous says:
To Anonymous 3.
There are NO normal people…male or female…”normal” is relative. But yes, being a female in a world of Drama Queens/Divas myself…I hear ya…TOTALLY. The only prob my dear is that altho men post sh*t like that dissin’ women…all that they really want ARE woman like that, the Drama Queens, Barbie Dolls….fake people. Us “norms” as you call it…are very, very, very lucky if we do manage to lure in some great guy! LOL (are there truly any great guys? LOL)
Battle of the no-names? Pu-lease. WE are women having a normal discussion.
Mar 24, 2006, 1:27 pmAnonymous says:
Ok ladies, I hate to break it to you, but NO, there are no great guys out there… I’m speaking from experience here… All the way from Britian, they are all the same… no matter what country you’re in! However, let me tell you a little sumtin sumtin about Jug… he’s all talk, talks like a man, walks like a man, (hmm hmm, sorry, broke out into song there) Hes probably one of the very few closest to “great”. And again, speaking from experience, and not just in a “friend” manner! Cheers to you on your journey for the great man! Acutally, you should just change teams, eaiser than trying to train a new man, or an old one for that matter… myself, I’m considering it!
Mar 24, 2006, 2:12 pmAnonymous says:
Ahhhh…it is the ex!! Hello in Bonnie Scotland! I lived there for 10yrs…in Aberdeen!! Nice to “meet” you! LOL I agree with you darlin’…he perhaps is close to “great”…but like most men, I am not sure that he knows what he really wants! What else is new eht? Anyhow luv….*sigh* I miss the UK!! Take care, cheers!
Mar 24, 2006, 3:53 pmJughead says:
I am not thinking that’s the ex. She has a Blogger acct and her name shows up. Besides, I’m not sure she’d have such glaringly nice things to say :-)
Thanks to whomever though. I really have no self esteem so its nice to hear feedback like that I guess. I’m flattered.
P.S. Going back through the years, we carve men as much as this may come across as sexist. I am not biased ladies, and most of my good relationships are plutonically with WOMEN.
Oh, and I do know what I want…
A bag of peanut M&Ms, next month’s TV guide and a competative game of Tic-Tac-Toe… any takers?
Mar 24, 2006, 4:21 pmJughead says:
BTW, these rules were forwarded to me in a “joke” email that passes around the office BY A WOMEN :-)
I love it!
Mar 24, 2006, 4:32 pmAnonymous says:
We all know that it is a FWD joke…we all get them, about MEN too…fancy that! We were just voicing our opinions and having a laugh…just as you guys all do! To be honest, men have given themselves their own “bad” rap with being sexist over the years…NOT to say that there aren’t women that are sexists as Whoa NELLY..there are. I guess that you talk to a lot of Brit women then if that isn’t the ex?. I think that you do have self esteem…you are very outgoing..just a little shy! You are just outgoing with the friends that you already have. You are maybe TOO shy? Hey…you have a lot of female friends….just not enuff time to make new ones! Got a Crystal Tic Tac Toe set…LOL Maybe too posh for ya! LMAO Gotta work…adios
Mar 24, 2006, 5:17 pmAnonymous says:
hey jug, you forgot timbits…lol…you know that you want those
Mar 24, 2006, 5:16 amAnonymous says:
*yawn* where is Djin the elusive?
Mar 24, 2006, 5:41 amGonzo: The Great White Buffalo. says:
Girls, girls, girls… settle down now this is all in good humour! For anonymous #1 and all the other ladies who bitch and whine bout not finding the “great guy”…ease up. You women are WAY too picky and expect WAY too much. You want us to accept you the way you are (good and bad) and love ya as well but why cant you do the same. This is a 2 lane highway were all on together. It works both ways.
Mar 24, 2006, 9:37 amAnonymous says:
LMAO…Accept us the way we are….let see. Sure, accept us for who we are but constantly look at, talk about, flirt with, dream about someone that SO isn’t us. So isn’t even “normal”. I mean we all fatazise….BUT for a dude to say he wants one thing and he constantly talks about another? I think that is where the prob comes in. Or should I say the insecurities of women in general…and men. Most men and women are lenient and compromising in their relationships..I am not saying that any of us aren’t…BUT, let’s put it this way: Would you put up with us if we were staring at dudes “packages”, flirting with them in front of you, checking out hot doods online, in mags/movies or consistentaly talking about them infront of you and your friends…jokingly or not? I don’t think so, but I know many, many women who put up with that. I think that they are the ones that are doing all the compromising. More fool them you may say to stay….to be honest, I’d rather stay single than deal with all this shit. OR…be excessively picky…I think that I deserve it. LOL
Mar 24, 2006, 2:11 pmJughead says:
Jesus Gonzo, way to open Pandora’s Box, lol.
Jug <—- backs away sloooowly without any sudden moves.
Mar 24, 2006, 3:50 pmAnonymous says:
keep goin Jug…keep goin’ LMAO
Mar 24, 2006, 5:51 pmGonzo: The Great White Buffalo. says:
Hey Jug, thats what I’m here for! Btw…point proven. And ah, flirt away, gawk away, whatever turns you on I say…fuel for between the sheets! If I’m the one you come home to at night, whats the worry. Like I said it goes both ways…whats good for the goose is good for the gander.
Mar 24, 2006, 12:32 amAnonymous says:
*sigh*…I could SO say something but I am not gonna. This stupidity has gotta stop somewhere…LMAO
Mar 24, 2006, 4:32 amGonzo: The Great White Buffalo. says:
Touche! Hey girl just buggin! Lmao.
Mar 24, 2006, 7:27 am