1. He does not have a “BEER GUT”, he has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”

2. He is not a “BAD DANCER”, he is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”

3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME”, he “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”

4. He is not “BALDING”, he is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”

5. He is not a “CRADLE ROBBER”, he prefers “GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.”

6. He does not get “FALLING-DOWN DRUNK”, he becomes “ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.”

7. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS”, he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”

8. He is not a “MALE CHAUVINIST PIG”, he has “SWINE EMPATHY.”

9. He is not afraid of “COMMITMENT”, he is “RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.”

10. He is not “HORNY”, he is “SEXUALLY FOCUSED.”

11. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants - It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”