Ok, so here’s the deal…
I’m lettin’ a buddy stay with me right now while he gets back on his feet and while I swore off ever having roommates, it seemed like the right thing to do for a guy that couldn’t buy a break, even if they were giving them away at the Salvation Army for free. I know he’d do the same for me and alas, that is truely what friends are for.
Where it gets interesting you see is that he’s a very animated individual. While he’s one you can poke fun at, one that takes a joke and one that does seemingly enjoy a great time even if its at his own expense (don’t get me wrong, we don’t just rag on him… we burn each other too), I have yet to see or hear of him finding that breaking point that bears enough embarrassment or shock value to throttle back on the horsing around and self-depreciating humor.
Some of his tendencies (and mine around him), coupled with his infinite toleration for the flamboyantly absurd have got me a little concerned now that we are sleeping but a few wall studs, drywall and 2 coats of paint from each other.
I have outlined a few boundaries or guidelines below to ensure maximum hetro activity between two straight males sharing the same dwelling:
The term “gay” does have several meanings (who said english wasn’t the hardest language to learn???) and while I’m personally attempting to revive the term gay in a more happy, less homosexual context (i.e. frolicking gayly through a meadow, Santa was joyous and gay, Jug was gay at Dodgeball last night), the following can and should be considered “bad gay”:
- kissing my cheek before heading to bed for the night
- dancing by yourself with me present
- pink on a man
- prancing around in just a towel and it “accidentally” slipping off
- eating cottage cheese
- watching Young & The Restless
- man-capris
- slapping my ass when I bend over and retrieve lettuce from the chrisper
- piggyback rides at the Lake
- the male thong (sandle or panty)
Come to think of it, kissing me for any reason is really off limits as a dood. This is an unwritten, but all-knowing rule you should have learned by now. This was taught in homeroom for every year you spent in highschool but never-the-less I’ve included it in this list (note: this action is ONLY overlooked when drunk or otherwise under the influence).
This is an evolving list so if I’ve missed anything, let me know. Oh, and for those fortunate future roommates for my friend, you may want to print this list off now, and start adding to it. Otherwise, you may wake up one morning with an urge to make breakfast for two while complaining of a sore rear.
Here’s to you Heath and Jake, here’s to you.
Jug
P.S. I love you man. Its been a pleasure havin’ you stay (for real!) Now what are you making us for dinner biatch?
Anonymous says:
There’s nothing wrong with man capris and flip flops!!!
Feb 20, 2006, 5:58 pmJughead says:
What you mean to say, is there isn’t enough space to list what’s wrong with man-capris and thongs (sandle).
You are sooo biased you, err, female!
Feb 20, 2006, 6:30 pm