1. Spelled out “Boooooooooooooo” using a combination of Cheerios and Fruit Loops
2. Counted 2,314 hairs on ma’ belly
3. Remembered my secret identity: “Shelly Long”
4. Watched Wedding Crashers not once, not twice but three times
5. Spent the night at Jacko’s ranch
6. Cat farted and it smelled a little like carpet deodorizer and Chewy Chips Ahoy
7. Finally found the person I most closely resemble
8. Finished my Christmas shopping for Xmas ‘04
9. Shaved “The Artist Formerly Known As Prince” symbol into my pubes and now ready to party like its 1999
10. Bumped into a chick I dated 9 years ago… let’s just say I’m glad that one got away

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11. Practiced for the World Hot Dog Eating Contest… proudly packed away 2 1/2 dogs before yackin up tomato skins and a boot
12. Watched neighbors swim in their pool… pondered ways to cool down my urine and run through it like a sprinkler
13. Noticed this rash on my arm sorta looks like Wilford Brimley
14. Looked up the spelling to “of” in Webster’s (or is it “ove”… damn!!)
15. Was robbed by a lil ol’ lady on a motorized cart
16. Forgot my secret identity
17. Matched my cat’s sleeping pattern… 23 hours later I woke up wearing a clothes hanger around my neck and an urge to lick myself
18. Got yelled at by neighbors for watching them
19. Decided on my first-born’s name: “Arthritis”
20. Let go of grandma on the wheelchair ramp… she rolled 17 feet, 11 inches

I ain’t too sure if I should be laughing or puking at this. I assume this is Roy Horn’s replacement Bengel?

Hasib

Okay, which of these two do you find funnier? Let’s call it my version of a “Bud Bowl”…

- History
- Steaming Coffee

Jug

There is a significant importance to this post. See if you can find it…

HOLLYWOOD, CA.-A new group of entertainers in motion pictures, television, radio, live theater, and recording have been selected to receive stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, it was announced today by Johnny Grant, chairman of the Walk of Fame Committee of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce. These individuals were chosen from among hundreds of nominations to the committee at a meeting held June 20, and ratified by the Chamber’s Board of Directors.

The Walk of Fame recipients for the year 2006 are:

MOTION PICTURES: Annette Bening, Matthew Broderick, Holly Hunter, William Hurt, Nathan Lane, Steve Martin, and Charlize Theron

TELEVISION: Jim Hill, Judge Judy ( Judith Sheindlin), David Milch, Robert Osborne, Ray Romano and Vanna White

RECORDING: Lou Adler, Alejandro Fernandez, Motley Crue and Isaac Hayes

LIVE THEATRE/LIVE PERFORMANCE- Shecky Greene and Milt and Bill Larsen

RADIO- Dan Avey, Mark and Kim and Wink Martindale

POSTHUMOUS- Jack Cassidy (live theatre) and Leonard Goldenson (TV)

Saw this in someone’s office today at work and my sadistic side chuckled silently:

People are like slinkies…
Some aren’t good for much of anything, but they can still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs!

2005 JUNIOR NATIONAL TAEKWONDO CHAMPIONSHIPS - Edmonton, Alberta - July 2/3

Congratulations to all the medal winners of JUNIOR TEAM B.C.

Total of 53 Medals: 23 GOLD, 17 SILVER & 13 BRONZE

http://www.taekwondobc.com/

1. Noticed a cloud in the shape of Jesus’ brother Enrique
2. Did it for Johnny
3. Realized the “Pull My Finger” game can be played alone… nice!
4. Ordered a burger and coke at McDonalds. When they asked Do you want fries with that?, I replied Yes, 6 fries and 11 ketchups
5. Ryan my chiropractor, touched me inappropriately
6. Left a message for AJ, Brian, Howie, Kevin and Nick about why they left my vocals off the latest album
7. Stood in line at the post office and sharted not once, but three times
8. Applied for work at Movies Movies Movies wearing just a robe, ammo-belt and Gold Bond Medicated foot powder
9. Watched the weather channel for 11 hours straight… swearing towards the end I saw snow in Phoenix for Saturday
10. Committed adultery with myself

My voice is tender, my waist is slender and I’m often invited to play. Yet wherever I go I must take my bow or else I have nothing to say. What am I?

Blonde paramedics… is there anything else to say?

I think not.

Okay, so I bought a motorbike. A new motorbike in fact and to clarify, I bought the bike I always wanted but never knew I needed a safety course to ride :-)

Rewinding back to my early years as a driver, and pretty much every subsequent year since, I’ve come across many a gaggle of motorcycle training students, painted head to toe in bulbus white head gear and seasonally-fashionable orange safety vests that scream road construction! On many an occasion, I’ve taken a few moments to laugh, point, snicker or otherwise make fun of their attire, tight groupings and airshow-like formations with anyone within an earshot of me… all the while, not respecting how difficult it is to not only operate a motorbike, but also the lack of protection from transit elements that bikers face (come on… who really wants to be hit by a dump truck in the dead of winter period, let alone on a powered bicycle without a steel cage and airbags for god’s sake???)

Fast forward back to present day… where I (sigh) find myself taking this same motorcycle safety course (yes, one or more of the above applies to me) that the younger, slightly less respectful and certainly more ignorant version of myself ridiculed. My two instructors are both seasoned vets having trained motorcycle cops for over 30 years a piece so I felt pretty confident moving forward knowing I was in good hands.

We’ve had 5 classes in a span of 7 days thus far, and I have to say I am pretty jacked about it. I am definitely in the top of my class, feel way more comfortable than when I started and have shed a tremendous amount of the anxiety that I felt going in.

Need proof? Have a gander:

I wouldn’t mock students when and if you come across them. Training is temporary and you never know what lil ‘ol machine they may own one once the visually stunning-attired learning experience is over.

Oh, and on that note, you may be asking what kind of bike did this geek buy? Its a 2005 Kawasaki Ninja ZX6r. I gots no problem with you laughing at my safety vest… I won’t be focused on those petty things that rapidly disappear behind me.

Oooooh, gave myself chills there!

Jug

P.S. My bike has only been displayed here to illustrate my point… don’t judge a book by its cover, or better yet a person by his vest. Life has a sense of irony.